15 years later: 15 lessons from a glimpse of dying (or worse) at 30

25th Feb 2010: 15 years ago today I was 30 years old, lying drugged up in a hospital bed, blindsided by a sudden, serious stroke - a cerebellar infarct.

The kind that most people don't recover well from.

The kind that shatters lives.

Somehow, through dumb luck and developing levels of resilience I didn't know I had, I clawed my way back.

Today I'm 99% recovered, and the last 15 years have been the best of my life.

• I've built multiple businesses
• invested in and advised even more
• managed millions in successful real estate deals
• become recognised as a brain, mind and wellness expert
• worked my butt off
• and most importantly, filled my life with experiences and people that truly matter to me.

And I'm just getting started.

I try not to take anything for granted.

To mark 15 years since that life altering day, here are 15 hard won lessons.

Some I’ve fully embraced; others, I’m still learning and re-learning. Each one has shaped who I am today.

If even one of these serves you, it’s worth sharing.

The first 5 I wrote 10 years ago - word for word - when I first spoke about my stroke in my first ever blog post.

I was so scared to publish it, but I'm glad I did. It led to a huge positive ripple effect for me and others.

Those 5 observations seem even more relevant today.

The next 10 are 10 new things I've internalised over the last 10 years.

Here we go...

The original 5 lessons:

1 - Your choice of life partner is probably the most important decision you will ever make so make it carefully and wisely.

2 - Life is fragile. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime so don’t put off doing the things that are truly important to you.

3 - To live in a Western democratic nation is to truly win the global demographic lottery and the only true “luck” — I detest being called “lucky” for any other reason other than that or being physically and mentally intact after suffering a stroke. The opportunities open to us to make anything of ourselves are ridiculously abundant if one just has the courage to see and take them and the urgency to realise they need to be acted on or lost. As the saying goes: “Everyone is self made, but only the successful ones will admit it”.

4 - Commitment should never be underestimated. Everything changed for me when I committed to one sector and some simple goals, cutting off all other distractions and ideas so that I could focus completely on my outcomes.

5 - Vitality — the state of being strong and active — is everything and without it we may as well have nothing. Everyone has heard that “health is everything” but most people subconsciously define health as the absence of illness — that’s as ridiculous as defining wealth as the absence of poverty.

The next 10 new lessons:

6 - Having a direction matters. Lying in that hospital bed, unable to use my legs, I decided that I was going to get back on a snowboard within 12 months. I had zero knowledge if that was going to be possible for me. But I decided. That goal got me through some tough rehab sessions and falls. It was key to my mental recovery.

7 - A heightened knowledge of brain / mind health and performance has been an incredible advantage for me. Not just in business, but in life, happiness and stress management. It is worth investing time and effort to understand how your grey matter works.

8 - A negativity cull is a great spring clean. Fresh out of the hospital, I went through my Facebook friends list and started hitting ‘unfriend’ on anyone who brought more drama than value. Harsh? Maybe. Back in 2010, that was a bold move but I knew I needed to be surrounded by positivity for my recovery. It set the tone for my real life too. Energy is contagious.

9 - Better mentors make an outsized difference. When I committed to the real estate industry, I sought out the best I could find to teach me. Not just any, the best available to me. Yoga - same. Meditation - same. Snowboarding - same. Working out - same. Entrepreneurship - same. Is it a surprise I've attained some skill in those disciplines? I'm still stunned at how many people settle for any teacher. With a bit of digging you can find the best, often without breaking the bank. Can't find the right mentors locally? Some of my greatest teachers were just a podcast, book or online course away.

10 - Learning to write is a cheat code. It forces me to get clear on my thoughts, communicate better and become more self-aware. Every blog post, comment and email has been a tool for sharpening my mind. Note to self: write more, publish more, overthink less.

11 - How people react is mostly to do with them, not you. Some people want to improve and grow. Others are trapped in complaining and blaming. Neither are much to do with you. Don't let it stop you doing good things. You never know whose life you might touch, even if they never tell you.

12- You only get one life - don’t let someone else’s opinions write your story. Fear of judgment held me back from writing about my stroke for years. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. Sometimes it’s still a struggle. Today, I catch myself worrying about how our life might be perceived - the incredible experiences, the serious luxuries. It’s why I often hold back from sharing the details of how we travel, where we stay or what we do. But if sharing those stories could help someone, it’s worth it.

A dear friend of mine lives by the mantra: “Do no harm, take no sh1t.” I’ll add to that: “Share what could be useful.” Those simple filters help guide me on what to share online.

13 - Everything isn't going to work, and that's ok. I've had a handful of crushing "failures", that were incredibly hard to navigate as they unfolded. I survived because I never took a risk that could sink me. Protecting the downside and asymmetric risk/reward are essential concepts to understand and apply.

14 - Curiosity is an underrated superpower. I'm training myself to ask questions instead of making statements. Statements satisfy my ego - questions open up opportunities to learn and connect. Curiosity is not a trait, it's a strategy.

15 - What's useful matters more than what's "true". Lying in that hospital bed, spaced out and unable to walk, I clung to one belief: “Everything happens for a reason that serves me.” It’s a ridiculous idea - there’s no rational basis for it. But I wasn’t searching for truth; I was searching for strength. That belief became a lens, through which over the years I turned my darkest moment into the biggest stroke of good fortune I’ve had so far.

That's all folks. Next update? Probably in 5 years!